Surah al-Baqarah (The Cow) 2 : 221

Overview (Verse 221)
 
The following section of the sūrah deals with the family, the nucleus and the foundation of Muslim society, to which Islam has extended notable attention and effort, regulating its essential aspects and ensuring its safety and protection against abuse and disintegration. Such attention is reflected in several Qur’ānic sūrahs and addresses all necessary elements to ensure the strong foundation of the family in Muslim society.
 
The Islamic social order is family-based by virtue of its being a divinely-ordained system for human society that takes full account of the essentials of human nature and its basic requirements.
 
Its ingredients originate with the very essence of life itself, as stated in the Qur’ān when it says: “Of all things We have created a pair [male and female], so that you may give thought.” (51: 49) “Limitless in His glory is He who has created pairs of whatever the earth produces, of your own kind, and of that which they [people] have no knowledge. “ (36: 36)
 
Human life began with one person, out of whom came a spouse, and then offspring from the pair of them, and so on. The result is this numerous multitude of human beings. The Qur’ān says: “Mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from a single soul, and from it created its mate, and from the two of them spread abroad so many men and women.” (4: 1) Mankind! We have created you all out of a male and a female, and have made you into nations and tribes, so that you might come to know one another.” (49: 13)
 
The Qur’ān also highlights the special inherent attraction between the male and the female of the human species which is vital for setting up and supporting the family unit: “And of His signs is that He creates for you mates from your own selves, so that you may incline towards them, and He engenders between you love and compassion.” (30: 21) “They [your wives] are a garment and you are a garment to them.” (2: 187) “Your wives are your tilth; go, then, to your tilth as you may desire, but first provide something for your souls, and fear God and know that you shall meet Him.” (2: 223) “And God has made for you in your homes, a place of rest.’’ (16: 80)
 
As ever, Islam strongly emphasizes the harmony and compatibility between the philosophy and the spirit upon which the system of the natural universe is built and that upon which the human social order is based.
 
The family is the natural environment in which children can be raised and protected, and allowed to grow and develop, mentally and physically. Within the family, they receive love, kindness and care, and gain the values, ideals and behaviour patterns that will accompany them for the rest of their lives, and according to which they will know life, understand it and deal with it.
 
Humans have the longest childhood period of all species, extending to several years. It is the formative period during which children acquire all the essential skills that will enable them to chart their way through life and find a suitable role in society. It is made longer in order to ensure that adequate training, education and discipline are imparted to children to prepare them sufficiently for the future, especially in view of man’s heavy responsibility in this world. Furthermore, children need to be cared for and brought up by their own parents in a happy and stable environment.
 
Experience has shown that no other arrangement can adequately compensate for the role of the family as the proper setting for bringing up children. In fact, the alternatives have proved extremely harmful and damaging to both the individual and society. These alternatives, such as the children’s homes which emerged in Europe after the Second World War or as a result of social pressures created by the need for mothers to go out to work, have deprived children of the love and care that only mothers can provide within a secure family atmosphere. Thousands of children, brought up in children’s homes, grew up to develop numerous chronic and disturbing mental and psychological problems.
 
What is most amazing is that prevailing misconceptions lead people to consider the fact that women are today forced to seek work a symbol of progress and emancipation. It is in fact this system that is responsible for much of the deprivation and suffering witnessed in many countries. It sacrifices the psychological health of society’s most precious resources, young children, for nothing other than an increase in the family’s income or giving a young mother an income to live on. It is modern ignorance that refuses to look after young mothers to allow them to rear their children. This is indeed one of the most reprehensible failures of modern society.
 
Studies have shown that during the first two years of life, a child shows an instinctive need to have the exclusive care and attention of its parents, particularly its mother. After that stage, a child needs to be with its parents in a caring family atmosphere. Both of these needs are impossible to meet under any arrangement other than a stable family, without which children are bound to grow up with all kinds of mental and psychological deficiencies and ailments.
 
The social system of Islam as a religion of peace and harmony is based on the family, to which it accords proper and adequate attention. As we see in this sūrah, numerous Qur’ānic passages have been dedicated to emphasizing the importance of the family and to setting out the principles and foundations upon which it is based.
 
This section of the sūrah puts forward the principles of marriage and the rules governing essential aspects of divorce and its repercussions, desertion of wives by their husbands, alimony, breast- feeding, and the custody of children.
 
These principles and rules are not given in abstract legalistic language, but within a broader context, as part of God’s universal code of living and as a fundamental dimension of the Islamic faith. The sūrah emphasizes the strong link between these principles and God’s ultimate will and purpose.
 
One is immediately aware of the weight of the whole matter, and of how meticulously it is being dealt with. Every aspect of it is there to serve a greater objective in the overall scheme of things which is being guided and protected by God Almighty. It is the system He has perfected for implementation in human life. Hence, He gives His reward to those who implement it, and punishes those who discard or abuse it.
 
The sūrah makes a very detailed and rational presentation of these rules and principles, of which there are twelve altogether, intermittently prodding the human conscience to be aware of its responsibility and accountability. These rules cover a very wide area directly related to marriage and divorce, beginning with the prohibition of marriage with unbelievers, followed by the prohibition of sexual intercourse between married couples when the woman is in menstruation. Here we note how even this aspect is elevated from a purely physical attraction to a human function that serves important goals. Then follow rulings on faith, suspension of marital relations, a divorcee’s waiting period, repeated divorce and the refund of the dowry, the finalization of divorce, breast-feeding when divorce has taken place, a widow’s waiting period, hints of a marriage proposal during such a period, divorce before the consummation of marriage and free gifts to a widow or a divorcee. The final comment on all these rulings is: “Thus God makes clear to you His revelations that you may understand.” (Verse 242)
 
We note that in all these, the emphasis is on the worship of God. Thus, the Qur’ān relates man’s behaviour in all these situations to worship, which is, from the Islamic point of view, not confined to prayers and rituals. Thus, to further relate prayer to aspects of worship in practical life situations, the sūrah mentions, along with these rulings regulating marriage and divorce, a couple of rulings on prayer in times of fear and security. (Verses 238-239)
 
What is worthy of note is that while all these rulings spread an air of worship on all these affairs, no aspect of practical life, human nature or the needs of human life is overlooked. Islam enacts its laws for a community of human beings, who are neither angels nor flying aliens. As it elevates people to the pure atmosphere of worship through its rulings and directives, it does not ignore their human nature, prejudices, preferences, weaknesses, feelings, reactions and moments of clear thinking and pure feeling. It works on all these, directing them in a congenial atmosphere to a better human status.
 
Thus we see that Islam allows the suspension of marital relations but restricts it to a maximum of four months. It allows divorce, but regulates it fairly and tries hard to strengthen the foundations of the family in a balanced way that makes of ideal principles a daily practice. It is a smooth approach designed to facilitate things, for both man and woman, in the case when this great institution of the family meets with failure. God Almighty, who knows His creation better than they know themselves, does not wish the marriage bond to become a prison when the two parties are unsuited to each other. If their natures clash, then it is better for them to part and try again with different spouses. But before reaching this point, it would have made every effort to save the family. Furthermore, it provides every legal and compassionate guarantee to ensure that no harm comes to husband, wife, child or infant.
 
Compare the principles of the Islamic family system God has enacted for human life, and the balanced and peaceful society it produces, with what prevailed in human life prior to Islam, or what prevails today in non-Islamic societies everywhere, and you are bound to recognize the high standard of peace and dignity God wants for mankind. Women in particular will appreciate the extent of care God takes of them. I am absolutely certain that no woman could understand this manifestly caring approach without feeling the love of God fills her heart.
 
Marriage to Unbelievers
 
Do not marry women who associate partners with God unless they embrace the true faith. Any believing bondwoman is certainly better than an idolatress, even though the latter may well please you. And do not give your women in marriage to men who associate partners with God unless they embrace the true faith. Any believing bondman is certainly better than an idolater, even though the latter may well please you. These invite to the fire; whereas God invites to paradise and to the achievement of forgiveness by His leave. He makes plain His revelations to mankind so that they may bear them in mind. (Verse 221)
 
Marriage is the deepest and most enduring bond that can exist between two human beings. It calls for the widest possible range of mutual and intimate responses and, therefore, requires the most firm emotional commitment that can be made. For this to be achieved, a clear common objective must exist between the two parties, and what is better than religious faith to provide such affinity and unity of purpose. This profound influence of religion on human thought has often been ignored or overlooked and some societies have made the mistake of trying to replace religious faith with one social philosophy or another.
 
During the early days of Islam in Makkah, although the Muslims had succeeded in detaching themselves spiritually and ideologically from the rest of society, it was not possible for them to totally disengage themselves socially. This transformation required time and a measured pace of change. In Madinah, however, where Muslims were to acquire an independent social as well as religious identity, the new social order rapidly began to take shape, with these Qur’ānic verses prohibiting any new marriage of Muslims and idol worshippers. Existing marriages remained valid, however, until the sixth year of the Islamic calendar when verses 9 and 10 of Sūrah 60 were revealed, annulling such marriages once and for all.
 
From then on, marriages involving Muslims and pagans were prohibited, as such unions were considered devoid of spiritual meaning and non-deserving of God’s blessings or consecration, since the parties involved did not share the same beliefs and outlook on life. Having honoured mankind, God does not want marriage to be based on mere physical attraction. It is a bond that is closely related to the divine system for human life.
 
Hence, we have a clear, definitive injunction: “Do not marry women who associate partners with God unless they embrace the true faith.” (Verse 221) Were the unbelieving woman to embrace the faith, the barrier would be removed and the hearts of the two people concerned would fall into harmony and could be united in marriage as they are united in belief.
 
“Any believing bondwoman is certainly better than an idolatress, even though the latter may well please you.” (Verse 221) Such attraction would normally be physical, rather than spiritual, and therefore superficial. It is the attraction of the soul that really matters, even if the Muslim girl is a slave, because it would be infinitely more enduring and profound.
 
“And do not give your women in marriage to men who associate partners with God unless they embrace the true faith. Any believing bondman is certainly better than an idolater, even though the latter may well please you.” (Verse 221) The same rule applies to Muslim women who wish to marry unbelieving men, and for the same underlying reason: “These invite to the fire; whereas God invites to paradise and to the achievement of forgiveness by His leave. He makes plain His revelations to mankind so that they may bear them in mind.” (Verse 221)
 
Believers and unbelievers move along two different paths: how can they meet together in a unit that is the foundation of life? The unbelievers take the route that leads to the fire, while those who believe in God take the way leading to His forgiveness and to heaven. The gap between the two is an ever-widening one.
 
The question arises here: do these people really call to the fire? Would anyone knowingly take himself or others towards the fire? What is highlighted here is the outcome, shown to be the advocated objective. Hence, God warns against such advocacy that leads to perdition and makes plain His revelations so that people may bear them in mind. Whoever fails to take heed can blame none other than himself.
 
It is noteworthy that Muslim men are not prohibited from marrying Christian or Jewish women, despite certain important differences in religious belief and practice. This is because Muslims, Christians and Jews share a fundamental belief in God’s oneness.
 
As for marrying Christian women who believe in the doctrine of the Trinity, or in Jesus as the Lord, and Jewish women who believe Ezra was the son of God, Muslim jurists take various views. The question is whether such women should be considered idolaters, and therefore outlawed from marriage with Muslims, or whether they are covered by the general Qur’ānic ruling which says: “Today, all the good things of life have been made lawful to you. The food of those who were given revelations is lawful to you, and your food is lawful to them. And the virtuous women from among the believers and the virtuous women from among those who were given revelations before you [are also lawful to you] when you give them their dower.” (5: 5) The majority of jurists are of the opinion that they are lawful for Muslims to marry, but I am more inclined to support the view that they are not. Al-Bukhārī quotes `Abdullāh ibn `Umar, a scholar Companion of the Prophet Muĥammad, as saying: “To my mind, there could be no greater polytheism for a woman than to believe that Jesus is the Lord.”
 
Muslim women, however, are forbidden from marrying Jewish or Christian men. The two cases are different, meriting different verdicts. Under Islamic law, children are called by their father’s names. It is the practice in all societies that, after marriage, a woman joins the household of her husband. If a Muslim man married a Christian or Jewish woman, she would move to the town or country where he lived, and join the rest of his family, and their children would take the father’s name and grow up in his religious and cultural environment. The situation would be reversed in the case of a Muslim woman marrying a Jewish or Christian man, where the children would be raised in a non-Muslim culture and most likely grow up to be non-Muslims.
 
There are, however, other practical considerations that would discourage the marriage of a Muslim man to a Christian or Jewish woman, which is otherwise permissible. Some of these were pointed out by the second Caliph, `Umar ibn al- Khaţţāb.
 
In his commentary on the Qur’ān, Ibn Kathīr quotes Ibn Jarīr al- Ţabarī as saying that despite unanimity over the marriage of Muslim men to Jewish or Christian women, `Umar ibn al-Khaţţāb was not in favour of it, lest Muslim men should turn away from marrying Muslim women.
 
He also reports that when Ĥudhayfah married a Jewess, `Umar wrote ordering him to divorce her. Ĥudhayfah wrote back, asking: “Is it because you claim that she is forbidden for me to marry that I should divorce her?” `Umar replied: “No, I do not, but I fear that people may turn away from marrying Muslim women.”
 
More recent experiences provide further evidence that such marriages undermine the faith and Muslim identity of the new generations of Islam, especially in view of the fact that our societies today are only nominally Muslim.